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Submitted by Petitioner Tim Hubach
Amended toppings: cheeseburger, mustard, lettuce, tomatoes, pickles and onions
Amended Session held Tuesday, November 9 to Friday November 13, 2009
Cause of Action (meat quality): 3.23/5.00
Proximate Cause (bun, toppings quality): 3.00/5.00
Ancillary Issues (quality of sides, atmosphere, extras): 2.85/5.00
Final Verdict (overall): 3.00/5.00
Summary Judgment
Is this month's burger more controversial than Twisted Root? Maybe not, but our panelists were sure all over the place.
What's important to remember is that as far as I know, everyone made it though their Adair's experience without getting salmonella, towed, stabbed, or salmonella, and that some of us discovered a new flavor of Coca Cola: StyrofoamDustBunny. This burger was huge, think Wingfield's huge, but with a table to catch the grease.
And now, the People's Voice (as edited by your Law Reviewers Censors):
Cause of Action:
"The meat was the best thing about this burger." ... "For the money (~$6) this burger was a good deal." ... "nice and big, but a little dry and gristly" ... "I'd imagine that the big kahuna burger from pulp fiction tastes similar to an adair's burger: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecc0nbg9m-8" ... "...the quality of the meat did not match the cleanliness of the establishment (thankfully)"
Proximate Cause:
"...buying the cheapest white bread bun possible almost killed this burger. " ... "Lettuce, onion, pickles and tomato were good quality, though the yellow mustard overwhelmed the flavor of the meat itself." ... "...the whole onion slice cost it a 3 on this one, perfect amount of mustard." ... "bun fell completely apart after just two bites"
Ancillary Issues:
"Cocktail napkins, really Adair's??" ... "I LOVED this atmosphere, if I were swinging by for a cold one and packing a couple of sharpies, I'd be in heaven!" ... "Not that I'm averse to dive bars, but we couldn't decide whether it was our cups or our sodas that smelled like 5 year old dustbunnies under the couch. I'm still tasting whatever was infecting the drinks, even after 5 packs of smarties." ... "...the smell of stale beer covered by disinfectant, the grimy look of everything in the place, including the walls, ceilings, floors, tables and seats, and the fact that my Sprite tasted distinctly styrofoamy, vastly outweighs the quality of the fries. At least the stale urine smell of my last visit was not present."
Final Verdict:
"It wasn't worth not crossing the street and joining the sheep dip line for the Twisted Root." ... "Adair’s is certainly better and less Angry than the other down the street option." ... "0 - I don't think I would ever visit this place for a burger."
It is so ordered this 24th day of November 2009,
Justice Lowenburger for the Burger Court of the Northern District of Texas |
