|
Submitted by Petitioner John Adolph
Amended toppings: toppings at Juror's discretion
Session held on Tuesday, January 19 at 11:30 a.m.
Cause of Action (meat quality): 3.58/5.00
Proximate Cause (bun, toppings quality): 4.08/5.00
Ancillary Issues (quality of sides, atmosphere, extras): 4.00/5.00
Final Verdict (overall): 4.08/5.00
Summary Judgment
Move over Twisted Root, there's a new Burger King in town (for now...). Jake's won everyone over with its overwhleming, tasty toppings and relaxed atmopshere. Many of the jurors had never been to Jake's before or didn't have it high on their list, but they all basically changed their minds after trying the Jalapeno Bottle Cap Burger (hereafter, "JBCB"). Here's some of what everyone had to say:
Cause of Action:
This was the lowest scoring category for the JBCB. It faired better then previous thin patty competitors, with at least one juror complimenting the patties' medium rare-ness. Still, jurors disagreed on whether the double patties exhibited freezer-burn, and more than one juror noticed that the meat simply got lost in all of the toppings. One juror noted simply, "it could have been particle board and I wouldn't have known."
Proximate Cause:
Jake's JBCB was a clear winner in this category with the highest score in this category so far. The overwhelming amount and quality of the toppings clearly had something to do with this, as this Justice noted it was the "shock and awe experience of Burger Court so far." Jurors gave high marks to the "fried to perfection" jalapeno bottle caps which were "an excellent compliment to the burger," although one juror noted that she would have preferred enjoying the bottle caps separately as an appetizer. The jurors agreed that the lettuce, tomato and thick onion slices were all fresh. The cheese was "nice and melty but not oily" and "acted as a binder to hold the innards of the burger together as well as provide a bit of a buffer to keep the jalapeno’s heat." Some jurors would have preferred less mustard, but at least this Justice felt it was just the right amount. Almost everyone agreed that the interesting twist of two buns tops "held together well under the extreme pressure of all the toppings" although not everyone was a fan of the extra amount of poppy seeds.
Ancillary Issues:
Jake's received high marks for Ancillary Issues as well. Everyone liked the laid back atmosphere with particular kudos for "music soft enough to converse but loud enough to enjoy" and "eye candy, if you know what I mean, and I know you do." Several jurors enjoyed Jake's fries which one juror eloquently described as the "crème brulee of fries: a crisp coating over a soft creamy interior that melts into tongue." The other sides didn't fair as well -- one juror described the sweet potato fries as a "complete disaster" and another felt the tater tots were "well done but bland." It was also noted that Jake's formerly signature jalapeno ketchup was nowhere to be found.
Final Verdict:
Whether it was their first time or their first time in a while at Jake's, everyone who tried the JBCB agreed they look forward to going back for seconds. Jake's has converted many skeptical and new customers that it truly is, as one juror put it, a "gut bomb haven." Another juror neatly summed up the experience as "suprisingly good." As Justice Lowenburger aptly noted in his concurring opinion: "Very good, very large and feeling so very Jabba The Hut right now."
It is SO ordered this 18th day of February 2010,
Justice Hamderson for the Burger Court of the Northern District of Texas |
