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The 2006 Golden Gavel Awards
By Michael Anderson and Anthony Lowenberg
Are you a lacto-ovo, cheeto vegetarian? If so, please go to www.lawreviewers.com and read a past review, cuz this one ain’t for you. For the rest of you "Real" Americans, we present the best Dallas has to offer in beef, poultry, fish and duck. Collectively, “Beeposhuck.” That’s right, kiddos and kittens, it’s the 2006 Golden Gavel AwardsTM, with this year’s theme: meat.
And here’s your host, Billy Crystal! Sing it, Billy!
Oh Dallas you’ve got ga-as
From your many guacs
To the steaks, oh the steaks
From here to the Chesapeakes
Exceeeeept, that’s in Maryland
But nothing rhymes with Harlingennnnnn!
Yeah!
Let’s get to it, because with commercials, this thing runs over three hours and we don’t want to make Letterman mad. He knows people. Unfunny people. So with a little further ado, here is the best Dallas has to offer, also cleverly called The GaveliesTM:
Best Hot Dog: The Angry Dog. Ruff! Smothered in so much chili and cheddar cheese you need a knife and fork to eat it. Honorable Mention: The Chicago Dog at Wild About Harry’s. They’ll make you a dog you can’t refuse. Which is nice, because we can't refuse anything when asked politely.
Best Fried Hot Dog: Jalape?o-cheese corn dogs from Fletcher’s at the State Fair. Okay, so it’s really a holdover from last year’s fried food Gavelies, but anything that can actually improve on the classic corny dog deserves an award. Spare: Morning Star Farms veggie corn dogs from your grocer’s freezer (except at 3:00 a.m. after a few Chili-ritas at the Chili’s in Lancaster, then they’re magically delicious… um, so we’ve heard).
Best Sausage You Have To Cook Yourself: Jimmy’s Italian Food Store. They’re slap yo’ Italian mamma good! Only don’t do that, ‘cause she’s really nice and cooks lots of good food for you.
Best Sausage, Already Cooked: Peggy Sue BBQ. What really puts Peggy Sue’s sausage over the top is the spicy sauce -- it’s all about the sauce. Honorable Mention: Kuby’s. Pick a brat, any brat.
Best Sausage With A Cool Latin Name: Chorizo with eggs at Angela’s. Say it with us: Cho-ri-zo. Now stand on one leg. Now quack like a duck. Now go to the next paragraph.
Best Breakfast Meat Dish: Brisket Benedict at Breadwinner’s. Props to Breadwinner’s for finding a way to take a classic brunch dish in a different direction by adding biscuits and slow roasted brisket to kick it up a notch
Best Steak: Three Forks. We wanted to hate this decadent palace of excess that signifies everything wrong with Dallas, but hot dang, that’s one fine Kansas City strip. Honorable Mention: Hector’s on Henderson. Their filets are much better than their overrated neighbor’s. Also ran: Filete Cantinflas at Javier’s. Although you could stuff anything with melted cheese and it’ll still be good. Most Overrated: Bob’s (Lemmon Ave. location). Chewy, hockey puckey Kansas City strip; oh, and the steak wasn’t very good either. Second Most Overrated: Hibiscus. We didn’t realize it was a steak place before we went there, and now we know that it's not really one, except for the prices. Sure, the macaroni side was delectable, but the steak definitely didn't live up to the hype.
Best Burger: Wingfield’s. We’ll give credit where credit is due, D Magazine called it right for once. Remember the juicy, delicious homemade burgers Eddie Murphy described in Raw? He must have been talking about Wingfield’s. Honorable Mention/Good Ol’ Standby: Snuffer’s. Best medium rare burgers in town. In a Hurry: The new Burger House outpost on Marsh Lane in Farmer’s Branch. This one has chairs!
Best Chicken (non-fried): Rosemary garlic chicken at Ali Baba’s. Their juicy, succulent chicken is only surpassed by the delicious, olive oil-infused vermicelli/rice that comes with it.
Best Duck: Zoom. We may not have loved the place, but the duck dish was dy-no-mite!
Best Wild Game: Grilled quail at Rafa’s. The garlic-roasted flavor goes great with the cervesa of your choice. Honorable Mention: Big Buck Hunter II at Milo Butterfinger’s. Hall of Fame Retiree: Matt’s No Place. It provided the most Texan-y dining experience for an out-of-towner short of going to Fort Worth, but, sadly, is no longer with us.
Best Lamb: Shish kabob at Chaat Cafe. Order the shish kabob wrap with spicy potato salad and a Taj Majal beer and let the good times roll.
Best Pig: Pig Sandwich at Chip’s. If you haven’t tried the pig sandwich, you haven’t been to Chip’s… and eaten the pig sandwich, which you should ‘cause it’s really tasty.
Best Tofu: Just kidding.
Best Raw Fish: Bluefish. Plenty of fresh, tasty fish (they’ll even cook it if you ask nicely) and more sushi rolls than you can shake a stick at. Honorable Mention: Ceviche at Stephan Pyles. Lots of fish with lots of interesting flavors although the one with the orange juice tastes a little strange. Still, they get the prize for inventiveness. Won’t be Missed: Yamaguchi. We heard it was good once, but you know, so were Buicks and you don’t see too many of those around anymore, do ya, smart guy? Huh? Huh? Thought so.
Best Cooked Fish: Sea bass at Kitchen 1924. It’s bass. From the sea. How crazy is that? Don’t Bother: Fish tacos at Taco del Mar. TdM never fails to disappoint.
Best Cooked Attorneys: The ones who somehow made their billables while still writing these reviews each month (we’ll just pretend May didn’t happen, okay?).
That’s a wrap on another year of dining in and around Big D. We hope you’ve enjoyed it as much as our waistlines have. And don’t forget to check out our website, www.lawreviewers.com, for all sorts of web-only stuff, including our first ever listing of the exclusive Five Gavel Club, the cr?me-de-la-cr?me, top dog, big cheese, numero uno, the De Niro & Pacino scene from Heat – that’s right, the only restaurants in Dallas worthy of the exalted five-gavel rating. Consider that our Christmas, Hannukah, Diwali and Kwanza present to you all rolled into one, because we’re too cheap to get a card. Until next year, we’ll keep eating as long as you stay hungry!
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